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The Bee Movie Script4/22/2021
You can trust us. JOHN CENA Youre called Decepticons, youre clearly evil.CYBERTRON FUCKING HUGE FUCKING ROBOTS are murdering THE FUCKING SHIT out of each other but the GOOD MURDERBOTS are LOSING.
PETER CULLENBOT Oh no Where is our gimpiest solider Dylan OBrienbot We cant win this fight without him DYLAN OBRIENBOT (transforms from car form) (decapitates Decepticon) (uses severed head as a soccer ball to hit another evilbot) PETER CULLENBOT Holy shit, if you could do that like 5,000 more times we might actually win this war DYLAN OBRIENBOT Sorry, every fight after this I will get my metal ass unceremoniously stomped into jelly. PETER CULLENBOT Hey, how come the editor isnt cutting to a new shot every 0.06 seconds and the audience can easily follow whats happening Did Michael Bay finally kick his cocaine habit DYLAN OBRIENBOT No Bays been replaced with the guy who did Kubo. The Bee Script Movie Autobots FallPETER CULLENBOT Hallefuckinlujah this might actually be a not shitty Transformers movie Autobots fall back Dylan, Im sending you to set up a base on a hidden planet known as Earth. DYLAN OBRIENBOT Wait weve never been there But didnt I just transform into a car and arent half the Decepticons flying around as fighter jets PETER CULLENBOT Thats what we get for posting all our advanced vehicle designs on Reddit. Now vamoos. INT. A FOREST ON EARTH - 1987 The military is having a training exercise headed by JOHN CENA who is a PRICK, but he cares about his soldiers so on the PRICK SCALE hes somewhere between SHIA LABEOUF and an alternate reality where SHIA LABEOUF isnt a RAGING PRICK. JOHN CENA Shit My entire unit just got accidently fragged by Dylan OBrienbot landing on earth Quickly everyone, hunt him down with our giant jeep mounted harpoon guns Wait why do we have these The history books must have left out all the 15 foot tall Russians we fought in the cold war. ![]() Now tell me where your friends are DYLAN OBRIENBOT Ill never talk BLITZWING Then lets make it official so it lines up with the canon (rips out Dylans voice box) Wait how exactly am I supposed to get information out of you now I didnt think this through. DYLAN OBRIENBOT Ha I stuck a missile in your chest and then blew you up Oh right, even though I lost my voice I will continue to speak in this script because fuck you its funnier. DYLAN OBRIENBOT has suffered too much ass kicking and his systems begin to shut down DYLAN OBRIENBOT No Gotta transform into a car before I bluescreen (sees RV) No fuck that (sees station wagon) Goddamnit no way I have standards (sees VW Beetle) Fuuuuck At least its not a Pinto. INT. CALIFORNIA - 1987 We are introduced to our protagonist HAILEE STEINFELD. HAILEE STEINFELD Were almost 15 minutes in already Damnit, Id better get the audience to like me pronto. The Bee Script How To Fix CarsPamela Aldon) In my defense Im still mourning the loss of my father who taught me how to fix cars. PAMELA ADLON And I want to be known for something other than Bobby Hill so I guess were both going to be crying in our pillows tonight. INT. JUNKYARD HAILEE STEINFELD Hey I want a car. Give one to me. OLD JUNKYARD OWNER You damned 80s-lennials are all alike Entitled, lazy, obsessed with the telephone and demanding instant gratification Yours is truly the worst generation HAILEE STEINFELD See that ugly old beat up VW Beetle If I fix it can I have it Its my birthday That means Im past the edge of 17 OLD JUNKYARD OWNER Oh alright. But if that thing turns out to be some kind of alien murder robot Im not responsible. HAILEE fixes the VW Beetle and drives away in it without insurance or a title because this is the Reagan era so fuck regulations HAILEE parks her YELLOW HERBIE in her home garage. HAILEE STEINFELD Hmm, in all those hours of working on this car only now have I noticed all the weird advanced tech and the transmission that looks like a face. The VW Beetle transforms into amnesic DYLAN OBRIENBOT HAILEE STEINFELD HOLY SHIT ITS A MURDERBOT though Im oddly chill about it. DYLAN OBRIENBOT (is blinded by a kite) (stumbles around) (slips on a banana peel) (pratfalls) HAILEE STEINFELD Oh, I see, youre a klutzy murderbot. HAILEE STEINFELD That makes us besties But little does HAILEE know she has accidently activated DYLAN OBRIENBOTs homing beacon which Decepticons can track EXT. REDNECKVILLE Decepticons ANGELA BASSETTBOT and JUSTIN THEROUXBOT arrive and display their evilness by killing a REDNECK. And for the sake of equality if the wife had been the cheater we so totally would have killed her instead HAHAHAHHAHA yeah right. JOHN CENA faces them down with, like, a school bus full of soldiers and a small carbine. JOHN CENA We would have brought our super-soakers but we thought that would be overkill. We wish to parlay. We are hunting a dangerous fugitive named Dylan OBrienbot. You can trust us. JOHN CENA Youre called Decepticons, youre clearly evil.
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